My So Called Life

Today I am mad at the world! Because I just want to be and there is no other reason why. I know this might sound really weird but I am mad. I have not come to terms with why my nephew that was born almost 2 years ago is in heaven. It is ok for me to still be mad. I realized this along time ago. I am still dealing with the lose and the fact that he was a baby when he was took from our family. I really truly miss him and think about him daily. This month we would have been celebrating his second birthday. I would be going to a birthday party this weekend instead of putting flowers at his grave sight.


I pray to God that he helps me deal with my feeling. I ask him to help me understand but sometimes this might not be possible. I realize that everything happens for a reason. I realize that it was his time to go and there is nothing I could have done to prevent this horrible thing from happening . I look at my sister-in-law and think she is so strong. I can't imagine what waking up everyday must be like for her. She is a strong person and I admire her for this reason.

My nephew that will be turning 5 in December has been a saving grace for me. He was my strength when this terrible thing happened to our family. He told me my baby Shelby is with the angels now. There is no need to cry he loved us both. How does a 3 year old comprehend such a thing? He has been such a good trooper the last 2 years. Making me smile when I really wanted to cry. Helping his mom when she didn't want to get out of bed I am sure. He is such an amazing child. I hope that he remembers Shelby and never forgets that he has a little brother.


So today I will kiss my baby and be thankful for what I have because you never know what could happen. Be sure that you always take time for the ones you love because you never know when it might be the last Hello, Kiss goodnight or just a phone call to say I love you.