My So Called Life

I have dreamed about being a SAHM but for our family it just isn't an option. My husband does not have health insurance or benefits through his work. Yes I am telling you that I work so that my family can have healthcare and other things in life. I have had many people ask me why I don't want to stay home with my children. It isn't that I don't dream of it or long for the day that I would be able to be the only one care for my children. I hate when people judge me without even knowing the situation. Yes I would prefer to care for my children during the day. No I am not a bad mother for working and sending my children to daycare. Logan has everything that he needs or wants. Jason and I are home every evening for dinner, bath time and bed time. We make a point to put our family first even if we both work full time. Just because I work does not mean I am not involved or don't not care. I am a mother just like any other mother out there. I do not think that it matters if I work or stay at home. I am still going to be the best wife and mother that I can be for my family.

I have been struggling with my feeling about Logan no longer being the only child. I know that sounds so bad but that is how I feel. I feel guilty that he won't have mommy and daddy to himself. That he will have to share his room and toys. That he might not adjust well to the changes. I know that I am not an only child and I survived. I have cried two times this week about it. My friends keep telling me that he will be fine and that he will adjust. I don't think that is the issue for me. I think the issue is that I just feel guilt. It isn't like he got to make this decision or have a say. Jason and I considered his feelings but I guess I didn't realize how much he would impacted before the baby. I have already seen a change in my little boy and to tell the the truth that bothers me. This might just be something I have to deal with on my own time. Maybe some of it the fact that he is my baby in my mind. Yes I know that he is 3 1/2 but I still think of him as my baby. I still hold him when he crys or gets hurt. I still baby him some days for no reason other than I want to. My husband tells me I need to let him grow up before the baby is born. So today I am emotionally struggling with the thought of being a family of 4 by the 10Th.

I just got back from the Doctor! I am a 2-2/12 and 60% so I had great progress in a week. She will schedule to induce the week of the 7th if he is not here. I didn't gain any weight this week which surprised me!

I had my 36 week appointment yesterday. Everything is great and I didn't look at the scale SORRY! I am dilated to a 1 and thinning. I will be going every week until the baby comes. WISH ME LUCK!

I have been trying to hand off things at work because I plan to take 9 weeks off. I never realized how hard it is explain something simple to someone that has never done it before. I am worried about leaving my job but I know I need to put my family first.

I need your Help!! Any good ideas for quick meals I can try. We are getting burnt out eating the same recipe's over and over again. If you have something that is quick and easy send it to me. I usually have about an hour for prep and cook!

I finally decided that it was time to pack the bag for the hospital and the diaper bag Friday night. It was stressful trying to figure out what to take without over packing. I need to get the car seat down and adjust strapes this week. My doctor appointments are weekly until the birth. I have almost organized all the baby items and washed them. I am starting to feel like I have things under control. Jason got the last tote down out of storage for me Saturday. I need to wash bottles and blankets this week and I will be done.

I got an unexpected surprise baby shower at work last week. Everyone was so nice to have thought about me and the baby. The gifts were much needed items that I will use. My coworkers are like a second family to me. Everyone has been so caring and nice through my pregnancy. I turned in my last day to be September 4th. I might work a week longer but I needed to prepare paperwork before I leave. I will allow the Doctor to induce if I am favorable which would give me 4 or 5 days at home before the baby arrives. I am going to use this time for some much needed one on one with Logan.

We had maternity shots done last week. I can't wait to see the proofs. Kelly was so patient with Logan. He is not adjusting to things being about baby and mommy. When we got home he said "Momma please don't have this baby". I breaks my heart to hear those words come out of his mouth but I know it is natural. Once he holds his brother everything will be better. He has waited a long time to meet this baby that he loves so much.

I hope to post some blogs that I have started but not had the time to finish........

I have been trying to prepare our family for the upcoming changes. Although I do not feel I have accomplished everything I wanted to before the baby arrives "I have at least tried". This weekend I finally asked Jason for help. It is not like me to ask for help when I need it. I usually just stress and deal with it on my own. Jason works so hard to provide for our family through the week and on the weekends. I have always taken care of the shopping, cleaning, laundry and paying the bills. I want him to be able to come home and relax. I like for him to come home and only have to worry about spending time and playing with Logan. I have realized that being 8 month pregnant and having a 3 1/2 year old does not allow me to push myself like I have in the past. So this weekend Jason helped me organize the rest of the baby items, vaccum the entire house, go through ALL of Logan's toys and we also managed some family time Saturday evening. It was nice to have the help but I also felt like I had let him down. I know he doesn't feel this way but I am hard on myself when it comes to this area in our marriage.

Only 5 1/2 more weeks and we will be a family of four. I can tell you that this scares me and excites me all at the same time! More updates to come soon...... For now I am going to go nap while the boys are gone.