My So Called Life

Do you ever wish that deciding how to split the holiday with your husband's family was easier? Every year I dread Christmas day scheduling! I try to fit everyone in and it never happens because there is never enough time for everyone. I feel like we are on the road more then we are home. I hate that Logan doesn't get to play with his toys more then 30 minutes before I force him into a bath. I understand that everyone faces this struggle. Deciding where to go first, how long to stay there and allowing enough time to pack all the presents before leaving for the next stop. For me is it more stressful then I would like for it to be. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and I would like for him to enjoy Christmas. This is my time to start new traditions with my family.


My hope is that I never make my son feel like he has to come over and share his family time with me. It doesn't matter what day we celebrate Christmas on. It is about spending time with the people you love . Whether that would be Christmas eve, Christmas day or the day after Christmas it shouldn't matter. What matters is that he enjoys the holiday!

I find it silly that I have to feel bad for not giving up more time with my family. What kind of person makes someone feel bad for wanting to spend time with their husband and child? What kind of person can't comprise for a different day? For 8 years I have stressed over how much time each side of the family gets. Making sure that one doesn't get more time then the other and that everyone is happy except me.

This year I draw the line and I am taking a stand. I am cutting back time with each side of the family for my family. Jason, Logan and I are going to make time for us. Sure we will still go to other places on Christmas but not before noon. I am determined not to stress about being late or leaving on time. I am going to enjoy the day and live in the moment.


So please forgive me if you think I am selfish but this year is mine!

Tonight I had a conversation with my dad that I never thought I would have 5 years ago. He called to tell me it was his two year anniversary from giving up drinking. I want to cry, hug and thank him all at the same time. My son said PAPA I am proud of you. Now I know that he is only 2 1/2 and he doesn't know how much that meant to me. To hear my son say he was proud of my dad because this was something I wanted from my dad for so long. Just for him to say I am proud of you.



One thing that I learned from my childhood is that my child would never feel not good enough. I would always make sure that they knew I was proud of them no matter what. That they can do anything or be anyone. I want them to think they can accomplish anything in the world as long as they have my support.You see growing up my only memories of my dad are him drinking. Unfortunately most of these include him not coming to softball games, cheerleading games, track meets or FFA competitions. I think back at how much he missed out on. I can't say that I have one good memory of my school years that he was there to share with me. I moved out of my parent's house at 17 and moved in with my brother because lets face it home life wasn't great. I still finished high school and got a college degree without his support. Every time I built myself up he tore me down. I know now this wasn't my dad talking but it doesn't mean that it didn't hurt . That acholism is a disease and it almost took his life.



So today to hear him say he is celebrating his 2 year anniversary is bitter sweet. He is such a good PAPA to my son and I am thankful for this but I am still this little girl that missed out. It has taken me a long time to come around and except things for what they are and let the past be the past. I am a better person for this and a better mother. I live in this moment right now being happy for my dad.

Congrat's dad I am proud of you!