My So Called Life

Sometimes I have a problem with putting myself first. I always make sure that everyone else is ok and then worry about me. Well this time it didn't pay off so much. I went to the oral surgeon about my pain in my jaw. I thought it was my wisdom teeth that needed to be taken out. After seeing the surgeon he said that I had an infected saliva gland. I thought to my self WHAT? The dentist suggested that I go see my doctor for a prescription. Of course this time of year everyone knows you don't just get an appointment. I sat at the walk in clinic for 3 hours in pain. The pain was so much I was in tears. My poor husband didn't know what to do. After seeing a doctor that I have never seen before I was sent home with antibiotics and pain meds. One week later I was still in pain and didn't feel like I had gotten any better. So I call the doctor and can't get in. I really am starting to think I have bad luck. I agree to see another doctor in the same practice which I have never seen before. I got to my appointment and the doctor says I need to be on a different antibiotic for 2 weeks. I have now been in pain for 2 1/2 weeks and still have no answers to be sent home with more meds.

I called the Doctor back this week because the pain has spread down my neck. I instantly freak out because I am not sure what is going on. It is a scary thing when you have no control over you body. Fortunately I was able to get an appointment today with the ENT specialist. My appointment was at 2:30 pm or so I thought. I did not get to see the doctor until 4:00 pm. The doctor explains to me that I have a saliva stone in my duct. She proceeded to try and work the stone out of duct. At this point I was in so much pain I am crying in the chair. I was then informed that the stone is to large and it will have to be removed surgically. I freaked at the sound of that word. My mind races instantly to who is going to watch Logan, cook and well the list goes on. Come on it is Thanksgiving week! I have been in pain for 4 weeks and the doctor says you can not wait until Monday. So FRIDAY I will be having surgery on my mouth.

So it is time for me to take care of me not because I want to but because I have to DOCTOR'S ORDERS. Wish my husband luck with a wife in pain recovering from surgery and a 2 1/2 year old that wants his mommy.

I really want to know how to keep up with my life! How does one clean house, do laundry, cook, pay bills, play with their children, shop for food, feed the animals and find time for my family. I have to admit everything gets put by the way side for Jason and Logan. I am OK with this until I can't stand my house anymore and I look around.

So my question to all of you is "How do you do it?" I work more then the normal 40 hours and just can't seem to keep up. I will take any suggestions at this point. Maybe I am being to hard on myself but I just want to be able to keep up with my house and still have time for everything else.

Have you ever felt the walls closing in and there is nothing you can do about it. I find myself thinking 100 miles a minute about the things I need to do, I wanted to do and I have to do. I just feel like there is not enough hours in a day. I know that I have posted about this before but really is life suppose to be this crazy. There are days I have thought about locking myself in my closet and just sitting there all day long. Although that is not an option for me but I have thought about it. Maybe it is the pressure of the holiday's or the extra workload. I just know that I am not superwoman and I want to be. I want to be able to do everything for everyone. Then the walls come crashing down when it doesn't happen. It isn't the fact that I failed but that I was not enough. This is something I need to work on. I know this I really do!



I find myself stressing over the little things in life. Then I have days that I get smacked in the face with reality. I have a great life! I really am blessed and I need to be reminded of that sometimes. I need someone to say Christina you are being to hard on yourself.



So after a hard day at work today. I am snuggled up on the couch with my over sized sweat pants and Jason's shirt on holding my son while he watches cartoons. Life really can't get any better tonight.



Goodnight!

It has been almost a week since I have posted. I was sick Thursday and Friday and was out of town over the weekend.



This weekend I realized I miss my family gatherings. My mom lives 14 hours away, dad 20 minutes away, grandparents 6 hours away, brother and sisters live in town and I still don't get to see family as much as I would like. Most of my family lives so fare away we really don't see them much. With the price of gas and our budget these days. It is just not economical to drive for the weekend and see them.



We went out of town with some close friends this weekend to visit their family. We stayed at a relatives house because hotel rooms are really expensive. They have 3 boy's and we have 1 so it makes for a very busy time. I was unsure about the trip at first. I was thinking a 6 hour drive with a 2 1/2 year was not going to be fun. Staying somewhere I have never stayed before might be interesting. I sometimes find myself looking at the negative instead of the positive. I had a great time! B had homemade chicken and dumplings waiting for us on the stove. The kids stayed up watching movies laughing and having fun. The next morning we had a huge breakfast with the family. It was a perfect family visit. It might not have been my family but it was FUN!



During this trip I did not think about any of the following:



1. Bills due

2. Housework that needs to be done

3. Laundry sitting there for me when I get home

4.WORK

5. Cooking for the weekend

Sometimes taking a risk is not easy but maybe you should try it sometime. Lately I feel like a little risk taking makes life interesting.

As I get older I believe more in the saying THINGS happen for a reason. I believe that sometimes you just have to except and move on. I also believe that good things happen to good people. I believe GOD works miracles but maybe not on my timeline. I have faith in myself, my husband and my marriage. We were blessed with a wonderful little boy almost 2 1/2 years ago and he completes our family.


Eight years ago I probably wouldn't have said the following things listed below!



1. I may not have a 300,000 house but I have a home with love.



2. I may not have 3 children but I have been blessed with one.



3. I might not have the dream job but I have a job that might get me there some day.



4. I am not rich but I am not poor.



5. I might not have a new car but I have one that is paid off.



6. I might not have 10 good friends but I have 3 Best Friends.



7. I did not marry for money but I am RICH in love.



8. I may not be a great cook but it is made with love.



9. I am not Perfect but I am OK with this.



10. I AM JUST ME!



Sometimes people take the little things in life for granite. As I watch people around me think that material things will solve their problems and make them happy. I am thankful for the person I have become in the past 8 years.