My So Called Life

I so hope for a snow day today!

• Logan has a respiratory infection and viral cough
• Lucas caught the same cough or something different at his 4 month shots
• Both boys are on breathing treatment
• I have been getting 3-4 hours of sleep if that since they have been sick
• Snuggling with sick babies that is where I have been

Happy Monday Lucas only got up once last night. I so needed the rest after being up every 2 hours with the boys since Wednesday. I hope to blog this week but not sure how that will play out. I need to catch up on reading blogs as I saw some interesting title's out there

I have been very discourage the last couple of weeks with nursing. I have been disappointed in myself for not trying harder or putting fourth more effort. I actually thought about quieting last week until Lucas was not sleeping well because of his reflux. The little voice in my head reminded me what Dr. S said about breastfeed babies and reflux. I reminded myself that he could have less ear infections and respiratory problems. I just for some reason wanted to toss in the towel and give up. I wanted to be selfish and sleep for a change. I was being negative and wanted to give every reason in the book to stop. I was just so exhausted from only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Even if I Jason would give Lucas a bottle I still have to get up to pump.

I would drive to work in tears because I had no idea how I was going to function at work. It is so discouraging when someone says WOW YOU LOOK REALLY TIRED TODAY. Why do people even bother making rude comments to a new mom? I have been a mess since before Christmas. I just feel like I can't catch a break. I have been either crying, yelling or just plain crazy. I think it has something to do with this time a year. I am still trying to find some sort of schedule that works for our family but I fall short every week. I sure hope that it does get better with time as everyone has said.