My So Called Life

This past week has been rough for our family. Logan has had a horrible cough that we have had two rounds of meds and it still sticking around. Lucas had caught the cough about 2 weeks ago and was continuing to wheeze. On Monday the boys were still not feeling any better so I called the doctor and made an appointment. My sitter canceled the night before so Lucas was at my sister's and Logan was at preschool. So I left work picked up Lucas and then went to pick up Logan. When I picked him up from preschool he was napping I thought he felt warm but then again he could have been because he was sleeping. I had to call the peds office and tell them I was running late because Logan was not ready when I went to pick him up. Even though I called ahead and told his teacher when I would be there to pick him up. I hate the new building and the parking. When I finally get both boys out of their car seats and get to the front door I can't breathe. I was thinking to myself I should have brought the stroller but I guess I will just have to make due. I have asked myself many times why they put the peds office at the other side of the building. This means that you have to pass every doctor office and germs on the way to get to the peds office. I finally get there and of course the receptionist says your are back again. Yes I am back again to pay two copays and see why this won’t go away.

We get called back after only waiting for 10 minutes or so which is not bad. I have been really upset with the new nurse that they hired that brings the patients back. She is not friendly to the boys and does not interact with them. Logan sees his normal nurse on the way back and of course says mommy will I see nurse S today. She has been our nurse since he was born and he really likes her. The new nurse demands that Logan takes his jacket off and weigh on the scale before we go back. I am thinking nurse S would have let me put Lucas in the room and not stand here holding all my things. I do have to tell you that I am really tired and not feeling well before this appointment so I might have been on edge. I was almost in tears when she told me that Logan was running a 102 temp. I am like why didn't someone call me from preschool and then my mind starts racing. She takes Lucas weight and looks at me to ask me if it is right I said I don't know why don't you check his chart I have had little sleep and don't know if he lost anything. Then I am concerned if she is even listening to what I am telling her is going on with the boys. She keeps asking me the same questions and I feel like I am getting nowhere.

Nurse S our favorite comes in to give Logan meds and I bust into tears and tell her I don't like the new nurse. She I am so sorry if I knew that I would have brought the boys back. I feel better just talking to her and she gets Logan some stickers to help pass the time before Dr. S comes in to see us. I LOVE HER!

Dr. S comes in after a short wait thank goodness and says back again you poor thing. I love Dr. S and don't know what I would do without him. He takes a moment to start with Logan and get all the details. He listens to him and says OH CHRISTINA this is not good. My heart sank at that very moment and I couldn't think. He says I need to do a chest x-ray and treatments in the office. He continues to look him over and finds a very infected sinus area. Dr. S moves onto Lucas and says I am concerned that the wheeze is still there and would like to do a chest x-ray as well. Then he finds an ear infection and I felt like a horrible mom.

So he send us down stairs to imaging for chest x-rays. I asked myself again why did I not bring my stroller. The boys have been really good at this point but I am exhausted after the trip downstairs and back across the building. I call Jason for an update and tell him he should head over because I probably have what they have and need to seen today. The nurses downstairs were very nice and Logan really liked them. Luckily they told me there was no need to worry but I needed to return upstairs. We go back to the peds office and ask to be taken back. All the other parents look at me like "who do you think you are?” They obviously were not here when we came in or left so I understand but we are still on Dr. S time. We have now been at the peds office almost 2 hours and the boys are losing patients with me. Jason finally calls and says I am outside but I there is no one out here. Seriously no receptionist out there ok wait and tell them I am in room 10. Dr. S comes back in and says it is better than I thought but the boys will need a lot of daily care for the next week. When he started to rattle off meds my head was spinning. I ask for another breathing machine as I know my insurance will cover one every three years. I receive the print outs with meds and directions. Dr. S says go home and stay home until his fever breaks.

I finally get out of the peds office and there Jason is waiting for me. All I wanted to do was cry at this point because I needed him there. I told him that I was going to see how busy doctor after hours because if I don't get meds then I will just give it back to them. Luckily the wait wasn't long but I can't take many meds breastfeeding.

Our day ended with 3 co pays, $170 in meds and one breathing machine. The first night was horrible but once the meds started to kick in the boys were feeling much better. I am sure most of you were wondering where I have been well I have been just trying to keep my head above water. I have been spraying down the house like crazy and washing things daily. I am just trying to get whatever this is out of my house.

On top of all of this the new meds the doctor called in have messed with my milksuply. Lucas has been on Formula during the day and I am still nursing him at night. So please pray for me because my emotions are running strong with all the changes this week.

Have you ever stopped to think about the friendships that you have or have had over time. I think over the years I have had to really think long and hard about some of the friendships I have been in. Like it or not when you have children there are some friendships that just don't survivor. I have lost several close friendship do to difference in lifestyles. I think that until you have been a parent one doesn't realize the changes that take place after a baby. There is not always time for going out to dinner with friends or going out to have drinks. People's priorities change whether they like it or not. The things that use to be important might not be as important anymore. I find that it is hard for people that don't have children to understand why getting a sitter is not an option all the time. I believe that spending time with my family is more important than a night out. I am not saying that we all don't need a break every now and than but most of the time I would rather bring my kids with me. This year I have been faced with several decision about relationships that were a one way street. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago nor will I be the same person 20 years from now. I am still growing as a person and I enjoy experiencing each year and learning more about the adult me. I think that people change with age but like I said this is just my opinion. I think that friends chose to grow together or grow apart. A true friend will be there during your darkest moments but they will also be the one that is holding you hand while you deliver your baby.

I saw a comment on someones blog about if you could time travel your 14 year old self into the present to read what you just wrote as an introduction to yourself, would you believe it is you?would the 14 year old girl say about the way things turned out. It got me to thinking about what I thought life might be like when I was 14.

I also can tell you that I never thought I would make friends through blogging or reconnect with people from HS. I honestly can tell you that it is nice to read what other mothers like me are going through. It makes me feel normal some days when I feel like I am all alone or out of control. I probably shouldn't call it this but it is like my little support group or cheering section. You all have always been honest and truthful. I feel like I have so much to share but can't find the words. I hope that blogging will come easier to me soon. I am still getting use to sharing my thoughts and feelings. I have thought about making my blog private but I also like that other can find support or encouraging words through my blog like I have done with others.