Thoughts
Lately I have been struggling with life. With that said I am very thankful for everything that I have and would not want it any other way. Although this doesn't mean that I can't have those days that I just want to say "Life Isn't Fair".
My first pregnancy was great. Everything was normal and I had no worries. I am very thankful for this now that I have experienced a not so normal one. Yesterday I had my 32 week appointment. I was concerned with the lack of movement of the baby the night before and that morning. When I mentioned this to the doctor she said lets go put you on the monitor. I sat there in the silent room listening to the baby's heartbeat. I watched the numbers go up and down. Still no movement when the doctor came back. She said lets get you a cold drink of water and see if we can't wake him up. So I drink the water and then he moves a little but nothing like normal for him. Ever since the placenta previa and failing my gluclose test I pray for a healthy baby. Although when things like this happen you can't help but worry. I just pray that he is healthy and that I am doing everything I need to be doing for him.
Another hurdle that I am trying to deal with right now is the question:
Do I want to tie my tubes?
I have many mixed feeling about this subject. I am only 26 and I am not sure I am ready to take that step in my life. When my husband and I discussed children we always said we would have no more then two. Now that the second one is almost here I am not sure that I don't want more. Jason could have stopped with one child to tell you the truth. He is more then content with having just Logan. I wanted a little girl so bad. I have dreamed of a mother daughter relationship but is that a reason not to tie my tubes. God is blessing me with another child shouldn't that be enough. I know it is selfish for me to want a girl because the next one very well could be another boy. Is this a reason not to tie my tubes. I am just scared to close that chapter in my life. How do I determine what is fear and what is reality for me. The last time that Jason and I tried to have this discussion about this I ended up in tears. Not because he hurt my feeling just because I felt more confused then ever. I keep looking for answers and I seem to be more confused then ever. I want to respect my husband but can I really tie my tubes. He has made it clear that he does not want more children. To tell you the truth I am not sure that I will ever be ready to tie my tubes. Something about not having the option scares me or maybe it is just a control thing. Who knows but I do know that at this time I just am not sure. I feel like I am letting my husband down because we have always been open about this subject and I have always been ok with just having two children. We built a home with 3 bedrooms knowing that we were only going to have two children. Now that the time has came it just doesn't feel right. Jason and I want to provide for our children. We want them to have things we didn't have growing up. I am hoping that in the next 8 weeks I can come to a decision.
My first pregnancy was great. Everything was normal and I had no worries. I am very thankful for this now that I have experienced a not so normal one. Yesterday I had my 32 week appointment. I was concerned with the lack of movement of the baby the night before and that morning. When I mentioned this to the doctor she said lets go put you on the monitor. I sat there in the silent room listening to the baby's heartbeat. I watched the numbers go up and down. Still no movement when the doctor came back. She said lets get you a cold drink of water and see if we can't wake him up. So I drink the water and then he moves a little but nothing like normal for him. Ever since the placenta previa and failing my gluclose test I pray for a healthy baby. Although when things like this happen you can't help but worry. I just pray that he is healthy and that I am doing everything I need to be doing for him.
Another hurdle that I am trying to deal with right now is the question:
Do I want to tie my tubes?
I have many mixed feeling about this subject. I am only 26 and I am not sure I am ready to take that step in my life. When my husband and I discussed children we always said we would have no more then two. Now that the second one is almost here I am not sure that I don't want more. Jason could have stopped with one child to tell you the truth. He is more then content with having just Logan. I wanted a little girl so bad. I have dreamed of a mother daughter relationship but is that a reason not to tie my tubes. God is blessing me with another child shouldn't that be enough. I know it is selfish for me to want a girl because the next one very well could be another boy. Is this a reason not to tie my tubes. I am just scared to close that chapter in my life. How do I determine what is fear and what is reality for me. The last time that Jason and I tried to have this discussion about this I ended up in tears. Not because he hurt my feeling just because I felt more confused then ever. I keep looking for answers and I seem to be more confused then ever. I want to respect my husband but can I really tie my tubes. He has made it clear that he does not want more children. To tell you the truth I am not sure that I will ever be ready to tie my tubes. Something about not having the option scares me or maybe it is just a control thing. Who knows but I do know that at this time I just am not sure. I feel like I am letting my husband down because we have always been open about this subject and I have always been ok with just having two children. We built a home with 3 bedrooms knowing that we were only going to have two children. Now that the time has came it just doesn't feel right. Jason and I want to provide for our children. We want them to have things we didn't have growing up. I am hoping that in the next 8 weeks I can come to a decision.
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Not that it will make you feel any better... but Abby had days were she was MUCH less active. I would go up - they would put me on the monitor and say she was great and send me back to work. She just wasn't as active as Miss Libby. And my 2nd pregnancy was much more stressful than the first too, hang in there, it's all worth it ;)
As for getting your tubes tied... it is a huge decision and I would be worrying just like you. Except I am making Corey get snipped - but I am sure it will be a very hard decision when it comes to it. We will have one more baby for sure and then we will see after that -we have always said 4... so we will see :)
Im with you on the tubes issue. I was going to get mine done after Natalee, but then she ended up in the NICU and decided against it. We are very done with having more children...We both do not want to deal with a HIGH risk pregnancy or another NICU! Mark was also going to get the V done after my tubal...SInce we didnt do the tubal, HE DID THE V! We are very happy with our decision and if God wants us to have more children, he will find a way to make it happen. Maybe you should talk to Jason about the V. It was the best decision we've made on that subject. Some days is saddens me that we will not have another baby, but on the other hand it gives us peace knowing we have 3 beautiful miracle blessings. Trust in God and he will get you the answers you need.
There are lots of options for reversible long-term birth control out there that would give you something effective that you don't have to worry about remembering to take every day to give you more time to finalize your decision. Specifically Implanon (3 yr), Mirena (5 yr), and Paragard. (I know this is totally the nurse in me talking) My experience with people who aren't sure is that the either do it and regret it OR postpone and come to peace with their decision. I would really suggest you consider these other options and talk to Dr. C about them. Oh and a lot of prayer should give you some help.
How much of a previa do you still have???
I am thinking about you -