Discouraged
I have been very discourage the last couple of weeks with nursing. I have been disappointed in myself for not trying harder or putting fourth more effort. I actually thought about quieting last week until Lucas was not sleeping well because of his reflux. The little voice in my head reminded me what Dr. S said about breastfeed babies and reflux. I reminded myself that he could have less ear infections and respiratory problems. I just for some reason wanted to toss in the towel and give up. I wanted to be selfish and sleep for a change. I was being negative and wanted to give every reason in the book to stop. I was just so exhausted from only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Even if I Jason would give Lucas a bottle I still have to get up to pump.
I would drive to work in tears because I had no idea how I was going to function at work. It is so discouraging when someone says WOW YOU LOOK REALLY TIRED TODAY. Why do people even bother making rude comments to a new mom? I have been a mess since before Christmas. I just feel like I can't catch a break. I have been either crying, yelling or just plain crazy. I think it has something to do with this time a year. I am still trying to find some sort of schedule that works for our family but I fall short every week. I sure hope that it does get better with time as everyone has said.
I would drive to work in tears because I had no idea how I was going to function at work. It is so discouraging when someone says WOW YOU LOOK REALLY TIRED TODAY. Why do people even bother making rude comments to a new mom? I have been a mess since before Christmas. I just feel like I can't catch a break. I have been either crying, yelling or just plain crazy. I think it has something to do with this time a year. I am still trying to find some sort of schedule that works for our family but I fall short every week. I sure hope that it does get better with time as everyone has said.
Posts
Oh, C, I am so sad about this for you! Today I had to pump twice at work, so I feel some sympathy for you that away. I think you should do what is best for you and your family completely... and if that means switching to formula or formula part time, that is okay! I do remember how much you appreciated and loved BFing, though. So if you think this might ruin your opinion of BF, maybe you could supplement?
My baby has had five or six 4 oz formula bottles. The first time, he didn't seem to notice and we've only had one time when he was stubborn. We ended up putting a bit of sugar on the tip to entice him. It worked and he slurped it down like a champ.
All this to say, I am sorry things are rough and now at 5.5 months, I am only up two times, but yes, that means at 1 and 4, so the longest sleep in a row I have is 3 hours, too. I am happy your husband is so helpful for you!
I tell you it does get better.
But, I won't lie either, there are days when there is still super anxiety.
And IT IS COMPLETELY different with two. Nothing like it was the first time around..... so I find myself comparing and that is not helpful. SO I hope you are not doing the same thing.
And as far as BFing, I HAD to quit the first time @3 wks and was told I COULD NOT the second time.
Big Brother NEVER had an ear infection until he was 2.5 and was not seen for anything other then well-checks and a chickenpox scare until then. Little Brother was born with respiratory problems and has had none since then and has only had one ear infection in almost a year. And they were both the dreaded "bottle babies"
So I understand and agree that BFing is best, but if your sanity depends on you supplementing or quitting then I think it is your child, your body, your choice and you should let anyone or anything make you feel bad about that. I have a problem feeling guilty when people talk about how awful feeding their BF baby formula is, and I shouldn't because I am doing what is best for my family. And if you staying sane and not BFing 100% of the time is best for your family - you should do it.
I am sorry the transition has been so hard for you. I can't imagine adding full time away-from home work to the mix, I am fortunate enough to be able to take a break and catch up at night or the next day - at home.
You are so strong and doing such a great job raising your boys. I hope you remember that! And hang in there. I actually had a countdown to Little Brother's first birthday, because I remember how much easier it is when they can walk and signal and eat "real food" ..... but I will tell you it comes before then - Yesterday we went to STL for the afternoon/evening - I took three juices (two for Big brother, one for little brother) and ONE sippy cup with four scoops of formula in it - just to be filled with water when he was ready. A few diapers - a box of goldfish for a snack - and for dinner they shared some pancakes and bananas at IHOP. So hang in there- I never thought this day would come! But it does.
(Is that hopeful, not braggy? I hope so- because he is only 9.5 months old - so you are closer everyday to that "easier")
You are doing a great job !!!!!
I hope you have a restful weekend and next week is smoother!
I second Tina's comment :)
I have been able to bf Abby but only br'd Libby for a couple weeks... she too was NEVER sick until she turned 2. SUPER healthy baby!
But I can also sympathize with you feelings about feeling guilty weaning (I am being bite everytime!)... we are doing it slowly and just remember that you have done a great job so far and will even if Lucas is switched to formula! I have NOTHING against formula.
So do whatever you feel comfortable with - and don't let anybody make you feel guilty or bad in anyway for what ever decision you make! You are doing an amazing job!
Keep up the good work!