Fear
This February will be 3 years since my nephew passed away. I have spent a lot of time mad, sad, confused and just unsure. I have questioned GOD a lot through this process. I wanted to know WHY? and that is an answer that I am not sure I will ever get. I often find myself thinking what his personality would be like or what he might look like. I have felt guilt for many reasons. I have never quit found the words to say to my brother for his lose.
After he passed away I would check on Logan several times a night. I couldn't shake the thought of something happening to my child. I just couldn't imagine life without him. It took a year before I would sleep through the night again. I found myself being very protective of him. I wanted to believe that if I never let him leave my side I could protect him. So when someone calls me over protective I want to say you try losing your 3 month old nephew. I know you are thinking harsh but there really isn't any other way to explain it.
I again find myself waking up several times a night to make sure Lucas is breathing. I am not sure that I will be able to shake this feeling. I have been praying about things lately and I hope that I can find peace with this.
After he passed away I would check on Logan several times a night. I couldn't shake the thought of something happening to my child. I just couldn't imagine life without him. It took a year before I would sleep through the night again. I found myself being very protective of him. I wanted to believe that if I never let him leave my side I could protect him. So when someone calls me over protective I want to say you try losing your 3 month old nephew. I know you are thinking harsh but there really isn't any other way to explain it.
I again find myself waking up several times a night to make sure Lucas is breathing. I am not sure that I will be able to shake this feeling. I have been praying about things lately and I hope that I can find peace with this.
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I can understand this.
I wonder... does your husband do this too? My husband doesn't even hear the baby stir - on through the monitor or even in a bassinett next to him! I, on the other hand, wake up instantly if the baby is awake.
For the first few nights, I oouldn't stop checking to see if the baby was still breathing. He was so quiet. So still. I finally had to put him out of our bedroom just so I could get some rest.
I am also so protective of our son and SIDS. I insisted my in laws get a new mattress for him to sleep upon. I check to make sure there are no blankets near his face. I put a paci in his mouth because it is supposed to help.
I wonder if I would be a different mother if I lived 40 or 50 years ago, when there was no SIDS research done.
I too still check Abby repeadetly. And you have every right to feel the way you do. I am still so sorry for the loss...